Roxas! Roxas? Roxas
by DigitalR
Summary: It's about Roxas and his emotional issues. CHAPTER 2! In which Roxas begins his epic and heroic journey.
1. Chapter 1

EXPLANATION: This is a story about Roxas. He cries a whole lot. This is a joint fanfiction. The bolded and un-bolded text signifies when there is a new author to the story. Writing a summary would be meaningless because we don't understand what's happening either.

DISCLAIMER: DigitalR does not hold the rights to Kingdom Hearts, or anything pertaining to it. We do own Derudesu and Ricotorix, though. Yes, yes we do.

**Roxas! Roxas? Roxas.**

Hello my name is Roxas, I have awesome hair. I think that I'm Jesse McCartney. I am an awesome singer. Hayner thinks I'm a bonehead.

(cry)

**Ok, I'm better now. Have you ever tried sea salt ice cream? I have. It's goooooooooood! People think that it's a popsicle 'cause it's on a popsicle stick, but it's not. It's ice cream. Haha! (Licks ice cream)**

Sooooooooo…. I was walking to school today. And it was weird. 'Cause this chick in a white dress came and said that she hated me. And then she took my ice cream.

(cry)

**Why would someone do that? WHY??? So I sang her a mean song. She ran away and came back with this guy that had a mane of silver hair. He was full of anger. I could tell. And then he beat me up. It hurt so much. What kind of person would hurt a hot teen singer? **

**(cry)**

So after that the guy with the mane of silver hair picked up the girl in the white dress and threw her at me. It hurt a whole lot. Then the guy said "Oh my god I hate you both you're so stupid."

I'm not stupid. I know that….

(cry)

**Then he walked away. When I got to school, my BFF Jill… I mean **_**Sora**_**, came up to me and said "OMG! Roxas u just missed it! Kairi just fell in front of everybody! ROTFLOL!" Sora is such an idiot who **_**thinks**_** he can speak IM, but he can't.**

**Then I said, "Shouldn't you have helped her?" **

"**No, I hate Kairi. Nobody cares when she talks."**

**Kairi heard this, and came up to us, all mad. She thought I was Sora and punched me. **

**(cry)**

So I said "Heeeeeeeeey, that hurt, Kairi." So Kairi said, "Oh, you're not Sora, you're that whiney kid who looks like him."

So then I stared at her. "Ew, stop staring at me, perv!"

So I looked away. I am not a pervert.

(cry)

**My morning classes went by fast. Despite all the times I had to go to the nurse because I kept getting punched. Man, Sora gets in trouble a lot! Soon, it was lunch. I was sitting with Hayner, Sora, Riku, and Pence. **

**I told Riku, "Gee, this guy with silver hair attacked me this morning." I bothered me that I didn't know who it was. Again, who could hate me?**

**(cry)**

Then Hayner said, "Man, Roxas, you're a real bonehead if you don't know that –"

Pence cut him off before he could finish talking. How rude!

"Keep it to yourself," said Pence, "It just shows how much of a bonehead he is if he doesn't know."

Then everyone laughed. I hate it when people keep stuff from me.

(cry)

**After lunch I had gym. Isn't it gay to have gym right after lunch? Dumb guidance counselor. This girl with blonde hair had to be my partner. She looked like that girl in that white dress this morning. I'm not sure. Nah, can't be. We were doing relays and she tripped me. **

**(cry)**

Anyway, after that, I had to go to the nurses office again because I was bleeding from my knee, and school officials become paranoid at the sight of blood. I got a bandage and was informed that the period had already ended. So I headed to my next "class."

It was that one teacher's class who I hate, I can't remember her name. I walked into the classroom and she yelled, "YOU'RE SO FREAKIN' LATE!!" And then she threw an eraser at me.

(cry)

**Can she even do that? Seriously. Sora was in this class. It was for "special" people. Actually it was detention. We sit in a blank room and do homework all day. I still couldn't remember the teacher's name. **

"**What's your name?" I honestly didn't know. **

"**Read the board, Roxas." **

"**R-Ric-Ricotorziky?" I can't read **_**that**_** good. I can read, though. How else could I read my song lyrics? **

"**Ms. Ricotorix."**

"…**Cool."**

**She got mad and threw yet another eraser at me.**

**(cry)**

Anyway, Ms. Ricotorix said, "Let's do roll call and make sure all you delinquents are here." She took out a clipboard and started calling names. Then I fell asleep, because I had no food inside of me.

I suddenly felt something hard collide with my head.

"MISTER KYOMOTO, WAKE THE HELL UP," yelled Ms. Ricotorix.

Now I have to go to the nurses office again for some ice to take down the swelling on my head. And then I went to my guidance counselor because Ms. Ricotorix couldn't stand me being in her class anymore.

(cry)

**Since when the hell were teachers allowed to swear? Oops, I did! In my head. Nooooooo! I wished I hadn't gone to the guidance counselor. She was crazy, and made no sense. I walked in at the wrong time. She was doing some bizarre yoga stretches. I got kicked in the face. Again. **

**(cry)**

Well, after she kicked me in the face, I moved the ice from my head to my face and her expression changed from an angry one to a happy one. She said, "Oh! It's Sora Hikaru! You wanted to change your classes to all the ones Kairi is in! I've got all the papers ready right here…."

I said, "Oh, Ms. Derudesu, I'm not Sora, I'm Roxas."

She stared at me blankly for a second, and said, "So, why are _you_ here then?"

"**Truthfully, I wanted to get away from Ms. Ricotorix. She's crazy. **_**And **_**she needs to be fired. She swore!" **

**She just sat there and stared at her clipboard. **

"**And how does that make you feel?" She asked.**

**I slapped my forehead and left.**

**Since my head hurt already, it wasn't good. Would I be considered skipping?**

**(cry)**

Suddenly, someone came up from behind me and grabbed my arm. I shouted, and the person covered my mouth. Oh my god! I was going to be kidnapped because I was skipping class!

(cry)

**This person had red hair. Like a cherry red. No, maybe an auburn red. Perhaps it **_**was **_**a cherry red. Could it be fire red? **

"**What shade of red is your hair?" I mumbled through his gloved hand. **

**He understood me and said, "Fire red. Now, shut up! Let's go."**

**He shoved me outside and towards a white house. Oh, the pain!**

**(cry)**

But the guy didn't leave. He was still behind me, with his arms crossed, waiting for me to go inside the house.

"Go inside the freaking house." He said.

"But I don't wanna!" (dramatic head turn)

But he stared at me angrily, eyes literally BURNING WITH RAGE, POSSIBLY DUE TO HIS HAIR THAT I NOW KNOW IS FIRE RED.

So I went inside the house. Even though I didn't want to.

(cry)

**When I walked inside, everything was white. So white. I stood there and turned around to see my captor pointing upstairs. I walked upstairs, even if I didn't want to. **

"**So, I go in this room and die or something?" I asked.**

"**No, you think this is a movie? You must meet our leader. Hehe." **

**This upsetted me. He was mocking me. **

**(cry)**

So, I went through the door, because the angry guy scared me. And then I saw the most frightening sight in the world. If you would see such a sight, you would probably die of fear. It was….

NAMINÉ AND HER EVIL KITTY OF DEATH AND DESTRUCTION!

(cry)

"**Naminé! What the hell?" I was shocked.**

"**Now, now, Roxas. There will be no trash talk around Fancy Feast, and her bowl of Fancy Feast. I'm sure you're wondering why you are here, correct?" Naminé said so casually, as if we were sitting at a café on a Saturday afternoon, enjoying some coffee. **

**Of course, I hated coffee, so that would never happen. Why do I hate coffee? I had a bad experience with it. I accidentally got burnt when Sora accidentally spilt his coffee all over me. Accidentally. The pain. The memories. **

**(cry)**


	2. Chapter 2

"I don't like coffee, Namine, I'm sorry."

Namine looked at me strangely, as though I had said something that had nothing to do with the current conversation.

Oh...

"In any case, Roxas, I brought you here because you are supposedly important."

Oh, well, that was cool. I like being important. Hot teen idols are important.

"You are a 'nobody.'"

Say, wait a second, didn't she just say that I was important?

"Supposedly important, Roxas, those two things are very different."

Oh shoot, she's a mind reader.

**"So, Namine, tell me, inform me, let me know about this..."**

"What are you trying to say?!" Namine shouted.

Gosh, I was just going to ask her what she was talking about, but she just had to yell at me. Again.

"Hey hey hey hey... don't get all 'super-scary-memory-manipulator-blonde' on me now!"

What did I just say?

"Why am I, supposedly, a nobody?"

"Well, Roxas, you were never supposed to exist, but here you are." Namine explained.

She's weird. If she was just going to tell me that, why'd she make that fire red haired dude kidnap me?

"And?"

"Well, I just thought that if you weren't here and back inside Sora everything would be swell."

Did she just say INSIDE SORA?! Talk about awkward... Then again, she could've said anything, I was still think about that coffee incident.

Plus, I didn't even know this Sora kid. He was probably just some idiot. And definitely not a teen idol. Not like me. Because I was awesome and important. Or at least "supposedly" important. Which I guess is close enough.

"Roxas!" Namine shouted, snapping her fingers in my face. Her own face was rather scary, and she looked as if she'd break my nose if I didn't pay attention to what she was about to say.

"Pay attention to what I have to say, alright? I'll only tell you this once."

She petted her fluffy cat and glared at me.

"I'm listening, Ms. Mind Reading Lady."

She continued to glare at me, as if she wasn't satisfied with my answer, but she eventually sighed and continued to explain. Slowly, and in small words.

"Sora has unfortunately gone missing as of late," said Namine with as sad look on her face, a look which suddenly changed to that frighteningly angry expression she had just a minute ago.

"AND THAT IS WHY YOU MUST FIND HIM!" She shouted.

"Wha?"

**Oh darnit, was she going to make me **_**move? **_**I DO NOT go on epic quests. I'm always too busy jamming out to wanna-be-pop-music to do anything. I'm too hot... I MAKE FIRE STOP, DROP, AND ROLL.**

"Roxas?!" Namine shouted in my face, rudely I might add. Gosh, it was like I wasn't listening or something crazy like that.

"Are you trying to tell me that I'm going to have to go on an epic quest full of action to find some so-called gay little twerp?" I asked, bored.

"HE IS NOT GAY!!!! HOW MANY PEOPLE DO I HAVE TO TELL THAT TO?!"

"Gosh... just kidding. And if I don't want to find this supposed Sora?" I put my hands on my hips like a gangsta.

She slapped her forehead. ptff. "You'll disappear! Now, summon a Keyblade, jump on a gummi ship, find allies, and retrieve Sora! NOW!" And Axel pushed me out the door. I swear that cat _**growled**_** at me.**

Okay, first on the list (I magically summoned a checklist once outside of the mansion): Summon a Keyblade. Well, if I got this list, a key shouldn't be too hard. And I easily summoned this bright pink Keyblade with flowers and what not on it. What a sec-- PINK?! Oh well, hot teen idols wear pink...

After I grumbled about this pink key-sword for a while I realized it was actually kinda heavy. And attracted attention from random passersby.

Incidentally, wasn't this house in a pretty out-of-the-way place? Since when was there a sidewalk in front of it? I sighed, and contemplated whether or not crying was appropriate for this situation. And when I eventually decided it wasn't, I picked up my pink frilly girly key-sword, or blade, or whatever, and started walking in the general direction of my house.

That's when the epiphany came.

I realized this mind reader chick could not force me into this quest. After all, she was just in that house, thinking I would obediently do her bidding. But I could just blow off the whole thing and she'd be none the wiser.

I put my hands on my hips and laughed heartily, which probably attracted more stares than my flowery keybladeswordthing.

"ROXAS!" Yelled a voice that was eerily familiar.

"HOLY CRAP NAMINE?" I yelled back.

"Roxas, you're not thinking about NOT looking for Sora, are you?" Said Namine's voice, although she was nowhere to be found.

"Umm..."

"Because, if you do..." I understood now, she was talking directly into my brain. So she could read minds. Dang.

THWACK.

You know, I never realized a guy with freaking ginormous spiky red hair slapping a kid's red plastic bat against his hand could actually look intimidating, but this guy actually pulled it off. Insane, seriously. 

Unfortunately I was now on the ground and the back of my head kinda hurt.

"If you resist, Roxas," said Namine, who was still nowhere to be seen, "There will be consequences. My lackey will make sure of that."

I groaned.

Why does everything bad happen to hot teen idols like me?!

**Ok, if I MUST go look for Sora, I should look at that checklist.**

_**Summon a Keyblade: check**_

Jump on a Gummi Ship:

Find allies:

Retrieve Sora:

**Well, next is the gummi ship thing. Whatever. I guess I should go steal one or something. Hot teen idols don't get arrested so it wouldn't matter. I could just put an ad in the paper...**

As I was thinking I realized something VERY important!!! I know Sora. He's my best friend. I should just go to his house. Namine's crazy. Honestly thinking I'd go on a quest when he lives across the street from me. Ptff... I'm not that stu- nevermind.

I began walking to Sora's house. Maybe this was the "epic quest" Namine was speaking of. I'd have to walk all the way across town. Golly.

---

AT SORA'S HOUSE

I knocked on the door, doorbells are overrated. 

"Why hello there, Roxas." Sora's mom answered the door. I started laughing. "What's your problem?" I was just thinking of all the "your mom" jokes I share with Sora. LOL!!!!

"Nothing, Mrs. Sora's mom. Is Sora here?" I asked.

"No. I think he went over to Kairi's house. Apparently she stole his "private CD" or something." She explained.

Maybe this is an epic quest...

Stupid Sora. Why'd he have to go to Kairi's house now? And darn him for being so unspectacular that I forget about him all the time.

Anyways, I walked a bit farther down the street, turned a couple corners, walked up a hill, realized I was going the wrong direction, walked back down the hill, and eventually ended up at Kairi's house.

I knocked on the door because, once again, doorbells are overrated. 

Immediately, Kairi came rushing to the door, and nearly threw the thing off it's hinges opening it.

"OH ROXAS! THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE!"

"Hi?"

"SORA! SORA HE-!"

"What?"

"HE'S BEEN KIDNAPPED BY ALIENS!!"

Clearly, the girl's gone crazy.

"NO REALLY ROXAS! THERE WAS THIS GUY! AND HE CAME DOWN ON A HEART-SHAPED UFO! AND HE WAS ALL," Suddenly, her voice changed from frantic, girly and high-pitched to deep and slightly angry, "You, keybearer, must come with me," and then completly changed back, "AND IN A FLASH OF LIGHT HE WAS GONE! POOF!"

Yup, clearly crazy.

She lept forward, grabbing my shirt and shaking me, "YOU GOTTA HELP ME, ROXAS! WE NEED TO GET SORA BACK FROM THAT ALIEN!!"

"FINE, F-FINE! J-JUST STOP SH-SHAKING ME!"

_Find Allies: check_

**"Kairi, would you calm down already?!!!" I shouted. She standing on the sidewalk shaking violently and murmuring "Sora" every now and then. Never thought she cared that much about him, him being so unspectactular all the time.**

"HOW CAN I CALM DOWN, ROXAS? SORA JUST GOT KIDNAPPED IN FRONT OF ME AND NOW I HAVE TO GO AROUND WITH YOU TILL WE FIND HIM!" Her shouting began attracting stares from random bystanders, either that or my devilishly good looks. Yeah, let's go with that.

I just gave Kairi this glare that said 'shut-up-or-I'll-poke-you-with-my-pink-Keyblde-thing'. Yeah, that's right. She immediately calmed down.

"Okay, so let's go find something to travel in. Maybe we could just skip around to different worlds till we find him. I have no idea why I just said that. It sounds like something he would do..." She just stared into space.

I guess I haven't hung out with her enough to realize she's so crazy. That was so totally random. TOTALLY!!!

I shook her shoulders to snap her back into reality and then she slapped me. Again. Hard.

CRY

As we froliced along the streets of Destiny Islands we came across a spook junkyard.

"Never knew this was here. It's so... nasty." I exclaimed. Yes, _**exclaimed**_**.**

"Oh, I come here all the time to dispose of all the random bodies that keep showing up in my front lawn-- I MEAN TO THROW OUT THE TRASH!!!" She started to laugh... CRAZY I tell you, crazy.

"Riiight. Hey look over there," I pointed to the other side of the junkyard, "a Gummi Ship! And it's pink! Yes..."

"Gee whilikers, Roxas. You sure are right. Let's go steal-- I mean _**salvage**_** it." Kair suggested, using '50s lingo.**

_**Jump on a Gummi Ship: check**_****

ONE HOUR LATER...

We were now inside the Gummi Ship (yeah, it took that long, but we had to pry the doors open with my Keyblade without smashing it). The interior was black, wow, this ship was bipolar or something.

I sat in the captin's seat and put on a hat that was sitting there. Kairi took a spot beside me.

"Wait! Do you have a lisence?"

"In a year... maybe... no. But hey, even a 14-year-old could drive this thing." I said, turning the key in the ignition and causing the ship to roar to life. I took a few moments to take in the entire idea of finding Sora and bringing him back to Namine. My life was messed up. "Yeah, we're pimpin' now!" I shouted and slammed the gas pattle.

For some reason, Kairi buckled in and held on to her seat in fear of crashing... ptff. Like that's going to happen. But I quickly buckled in just in case. (safety first, kids!)

So, apparently giant space vehicles are really simple to drive.

Like, I don't know if there's a space academy for future astronauts or anything, but if there is I bet a five year old could likely become a licensed professional. There was this huge red button that said "stop" on it, and there was a steering wheel and a gearshift that had the settings "1st," "2nd" and "Evade Enemy Fire."

Kairi, still clinging to her seat and mumbling "Sora" every now and then, suddenly perked up when she saw my hand move towards the gearshift.

"Evade Enemy Fire. Leave it there," she said menacingly.

"Why?" I asked, "We're just out in space, I don't see how we'd be shot at."

"LEAVE IT THERE!" She yelled back, slamming her fist on the arm rest, "YOU DON'T KNOW. MAYBE THOSE HEART-SHAPED UFOS CAN SHOOT OUT HEART-SHAPED BULLETS OUT OF HEART-SHAPED GUNS!!"

"..."

"WHAT?"

I decided not to comment on how ridiculously stupid that idea was, because I am a hot teen idol and I have tact.

Nevertheless, I submitted to the crazy girl's commands and did not touch the gearshift, and continued steering the ship until I saw something in the distance.

"Hey Kairi, what's that?" I asked, looking back at her.

"KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, ROXAS," Yelled Kairi. Sheesh, did she have any other way of speaking? She was still plastered to her seat, but leaned forward a little to examine whatever it was that I pointed out to her. 

"Looks like some kinda door," she observed.

I looked back and confirmed that, yes, yes it did look like a door. Which was totally bizzare because I know for a fact that there are not supposed to be any doors in space. It would be completely illogical.

"Let's go," said Kairi.

"WHAAAAT?"

Now, I speak from experience when I say that it's a good idea to generally AVOID illogical things. Like the time that Hayner set up an ice cream stand in the middle of winter and I tried to get some and he punched me in the face and told me I was an idiot.

But I digress.

"Kairi, we can't go to the door. That's stupid, this space ship would never fit through it. After all, it is a spaceship."

But as we continued to approach the door, it just kept getting bigger and bigger, until it was apparent that the spaceship could easily fit through it.

Then my pink flowery keyblade started shaking and clattering against the floor beside my captain's chair. I picked it up, wondering what was wrong with the poor thing. Maybe it was scared of doors?

The instant I picked it up, I was thrown out of my chair (the seatbelt must have unlocked itself?) and pointing my keysword towards the door. It was as if the thing itself was controlling me. There was a flash of light, and then the light pointed directly towards the door.

There was a huge noise that came from outside the ship, and Kairi looked towards the door. 

"Looks like you opened it, Roxas."

I stared at my keyblade, then back at the door.

Looks like this might be an epic quest after all.


End file.
